In our last post (Don’t Bleed in Front of Sharks: A Clinician’s Compass in the Storm of Stage One), we focused on the importance of building a platform of safety before diving into the choppy waters of Stage One. We saw how fundamental it is to read the couple’s “tornado” through a systemic lens and,… Read more »
Have you ever happened to feel a bit of bewilderment looking at how the language of our clinical world is changing? In the contemporary mental health landscape, we are witnessing a singular and, in many ways, alarming phenomenon: an unprecedented proliferation of acronyms, protocols, and “intervention techniques” which, while declaring themselves children of the most… Read more »
Imagine you are in a session. In front of you is a couple trapped in a dark sea of reactivity. The waves of escalation are rising, voices are overlapping, bodies are stiffening, and you—from your armchair—feel the water rising to your throat. [Hand-painted watercolor by my friend Roberta Giulia A.] Sometimes, in those exact moments,… Read more »
Care in a couple is not just “romanticism”, but the daily construction of emotional safety. An EFT perspective to begin the year with connection. Dear colleagues and fellow EFT enthusiasts,(and above all: dear couples beginning a new year together) ours is a journey into the human heart, an expedition into the depths of emotions and… Read more »
Changes in the EFT relationship often shape the expectations with which couples enter couple therapy or participate in Hold Me Tight® workshops. Dear Colleagues, As some of you know, I hold several “Hold Me Tight®” seminars1, meeting dozens of couples around the world. We spend two days together experiencing the structure (and the power!) of… Read more »
A drawing with a EFT therapy in the same room with an elephant
Failure in psychotherapy remains one of the least discussed and most difficult territories to navigate in contemporary clinical practice, especially when it involves models with strong empirical validation such as EFT. So, EFT Therapy Always Works Except When… From the Confessional of Our Failures Every so often, at conventions or during supervision and workshops, we… Read more »
Ice and distance: when silence replaces the storm in a relationship We have explored the labyrinth of thorns, the battlefield where every word is a weapon and every silence an extremely fragile truce. But what happens when the battle ceases? When the shouting dies down and, in its place, a deafening silence falls, dense as… Read more »
From Conflict to Connection If you’re here, on this page, perhaps you’re wondering if there’s still hope for your relationship. You’ve searched for “couples therapy.” Maybe you’ve heard or read something about Emotionally Focused Therapy, and maybe, as you search and read, you feel like you’re in a stormy sea: your boat is rocking, and… Read more »
Just communicate more!” “Communication is key!” Or: “You need to work on yourself!” How often have we heard these phrases? And how often have we been told that to love someone, we must first work on ourselves and learn to love ourselves? These are phrases we’ve heard – or said – countless times. Valid intentions,… Read more »
On the cover of today’s post is a drawing of a newborn sleeping in the loving arms of their father. The little one has closed eyes, and their face is serene because they know they can surrender. There’s no fear, nothing to dread, no desire to leave. It’s exactly where they long to be: safe.… Read more »
In this post, we explore some questions about attachment, asking ourselves: The figures of multiple attachments From “The Myth of Attachment Theory” by Heidi Keller and various studies, we know that what we define as “secure attachment” is not necessarily the same across all cultures. Keller points out that in cultures that value community and… Read more »
Alice asks the White Rabbit:“Do you love me?” He beats around the bush and then replies:“No, first you must learn to love yourself. Until you do, until you build a shield of self-love, I will not love you.” Once again, our wonderful Sue Johnson steps in to warn us:“Be careful not to fall into the… Read more »
An elevator pitch is a short way to introduce yourself and make a connection. In EFT couples therapy, an elevator pitch helps explain the therapeutic model and make participants understand what to expect, because it speaks to the emotional experience of the couple, simplifying without trivialising, and gives hope for change.
Where did EFT come from? What are the theoretical foundations and models that have made possible the germination and growth of such an extraordinary approach? …What if I told you that the origin of EFT is a ‘three-way tea’? Try closing your eyes and letting your imagination run wild for a moment until you see… Read more »
‘Be the change you want to see in the world’ Mahatma Gandhi Following on from the EFT guide for gifts (Christmas and otherwise) and in the wake of the 2025 resolutions we talked about here, are Sue Johnson 7 Conversations for Change. What change are we talking about? The one that builds and strengthens loving… Read more »
This first post of 2025 is dedicated to our community of EFT therapists and to everyone who has joined this multilingual, borderless family. I write it for us, so we can keep spreading the message we’ve embraced, choosing to change the world for the better, one therapy session at a time. January is the month… Read more »
For some, December is Christmas: crib, tree, lights and midnight mass: Jingle bells, Stille Nacht, Feliz Navidad… For many, December is the month of corporate dinners and those with friends, so find a spot on the calendar. For those who can, it is mostly the month of family, homecoming, lunch with your folks, and also… Read more »
Perhaps you’re one of those people who adore Christmas: the twinkling lights illuminating the city, jingles echoing everywhere, and warm hugs under a beautifully decorated tree. You savor the anticipation and the magic of a moment that feels like pure enchantment.
Or maybe… you’re part of the community that can’t stand the holidays. The ones who, if they could, would fast-forward the calendar straight to January 7th, when Epiphany takes everything away—along with a collective sigh of relief.
Laura and Matthew are a close-knit couple who, for a long time, have been looking for a child, but, trial after trial, the pregnancy is delayed. They are sad. And quite despondent. Many couples in their situation jump. They don’t: wonderfully, Laura and Matteo manage to avoid the crisis. And they hold up, just as… Read more »
There are times when time seems to speed up. As if clocks all over the planet have suddenly tuned to a different standard… The hours on the dials are always twenty-four, but the perception is that the days are suddenly faster. Much more hectic, chaotic, frantic… You wake up and like a gazelle (from Aldo,… Read more »
The journey does not begin when we leave.
Not when we leave the house and slip into traffic.
Not even when we are on board the vehicle we have chosen to move.
The journey always starts with a “what if.”
The amazing forest of the human soul, with the Emotionally Focused Therapy “compass”
Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it helps people-and not just couples-accept something that our world puts on the back burner, namely our need for love and secure connections.
Love is a medicine, in the literal sense of the word: for the body and for the soul, it is both a cure, remedy, and magic capable of repairing the wounds of the heart, and a poison that can make us suffer to the point of illness.
When there is love in our lives, our bodies produce substances such as oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins that make us stronger, happier, and much healthier. Conversely, when love is lacking, precisely because it is a “drug,” it can become a drug that intoxicates our organism. Even a poison that prevents us from healing, or makes us sick.
What is love? How much does it matter in our lives? How and to what extent can it change them?
The first international EFT conference “Healing Relationships in Emotionally Focused Therapy” took place in Poznań. Trainer Giulia Altera brought a moving talk on the Pursuer Softening Change Event in Emotionally Focused Therapy.
The sexual dimension in the EFT model highlights the importance of physical and emotional closeness, following the path of Harry Harlow’s studies. These studies revealed how central the need for tenderness is in deep bonds, showing that sex among primates is not just a biological act but an experience of emotional connection. Face-to-face contact becomes… Read more »